While this was not the scene of Denise’s crime, this market—which travelers visit in Victoria Falls during Ultimate Africa: Botswana, Zambia & Zimbabwe Safari—is filled with potential victims.
By Denise Ulm, 2-time traveler from Fishers, IN
I killed a giraffe. I didn’t do it on purpose. I think. There wasn’t a real weapon involved in its untimely demise. Legally, Zimbabwe doesn’t allow anyone to carry a firearm; only trained, approved military personnel can. The giraffe was an innocent victim. I was the aggressor. Unassuming aggressor.
Walking through the area, with many people present, was normal. However, in most semi-remote locations in Africa anything involving wildlife is a possibility. "Whatever you do, don’t run," is taught to the smallest of children by their parents, relatives, and villagers. Safari guides and newbie tourists heed to this warning, too. Another Rule of Thumb: Have a professional check behind termite mounds, above in trees, and underneath bushes before you wander off to "smell the flowers" or "look at a Jeep’s tires." Also, for ladies, take toilet paper and a brown paper bag. Announce "Bushy, bushy," when clear for the next person.
These are helpful safety facts for when one is trophy hunting for wildlife with a camera while receiving a gratis "African massage" in a three-tiered jeep bouncing and jiggling through savannah sand as fine as pounded millet. Scanning for "The Big Five," occupants sway their heads from left-to-right, right-to-left like tennis match spectators with binoculars pressed to their eyes—only to give them up as they realize they are playing a reverse game of Whack-A-Mole from the amusement park rocking-and-rolling of the vehicle. Unsecured hats, glasses, sunglasses, bandanas, money, pocket packets of Kleenex, sunscreen, insect repellent, water bottles, cameras, and cell phones are unintentionally tossed out like candy to children along a parade route; with gratitude, there are many stops to retrieve the escaped items.
Leopards leering from crooks in trees. Lions’ low, satisfied gutterings as they dine on the stolen impala of the leopard. Hyenas taking on lions while the leopard takes back the kill and hangs it high in a tree safely as a snack for later on. Crafty cheetahs lounging around a water pool elegantly stepping out as elephant families arrive for ablutions. The perfectly round red, red evening sun slithers into shadowed trees creating watercolors of purple, orange, pink, and yellow. It will be another convection oven day tomorrow.
Such is an enchanting safari.
This unsuspecting group has yet to encounter a rogue backpack.
As you can see, it is unlikely that in this circumstance one would kill a giraffe. But, I killed a giraffe. I didn’t do it on purpose. I think. People were around. Security guards were around. Vehicles were around. Though, there was one weapon that I was carrying. Legally. And there was one place where it was possible to kill a giraffe. I know. I did it. I wasn’t arrested or fined. Maybe because I apologized profusely and with sincere contrition after the dreadful deed was done. Ultimately, I was even forgiven for my unintentional act.
Adventurers on game-viewing safaris need to be aware of one more caution, because seeing a Van Gogh-like ear on a face bashed in, slender, long neck broken in multiple places, body separated from four spindly legs and a tail playing Spin the Bottle is a wretched sight. Please. Take it from me. Don’t take your bulky backpack into tiny souvenir stores selling five-foot hand-painted, wood carved giraffes. Or you may be the next predator who kills a giraffe on a game-viewing safari.
Thank you in advance.
Post Script:
I should’ve gotten a picture of the crime scene, but I was mortified. The woman shopkeeper kept reassuring me that it was okay. Said these things happen in business. It can be repaired. I offered to buy it, but she adamantly declined. Then she righted the giraffe, at least the four legs part, gathered up body parts, paused while looking at what was in her arms, sighed, and whispered, "Well, maybe it will be good wood for our barbeque tonight."
May no wooden giraffes meet their untimely demise when you join O.A.T. for Ultimate Africa: Botswana, Zambia & Zimbabwe Safari.
